Friday, March 23, 2007

"I'm too tired for sex" - What your husband really hears.

This post is for all you ladies out there that say you're too tired for sex with your man. You might want to rethink if you knew what he was really hearing you say.

I'm a man, obviously, but I'm also pretty sure that I'm a normal man when I say I've wanted sex every day of my life since I was about 13. The only time in my life I got nearly that much was when we were newlyweds, but now with one kid here and another one coming, I have to constantly tell my wife what I really hear when she says "I'm too tired for sex today."

"I'm too tired for sex today." from the wife = to the husband "Everything I've done today, no, everything I've done since the last time we had sex that could have contributed to making me tired right now is more important to me than having sex with you."

Let me give you some examples:

1. I'm too tired for sex = making sure all the dishes are clean is more important to me than having sex with my husband.

2. I'm too tired for sex = vacuuming the hallway is more important to me than my husband's spermcount getting so high that he starts drooling when he sees anything with boobs and a vagina.

3. Taking care of the baby makes me too tired for sex = To me, sex is nothing more than a tool to get your sperm into my eggs, so no sex from now until it's time to have another baby.

4. We're too stressed out to have sex = I didn't hear you or any of those scientific studies that tell me that sex is a great stress reliever.

5. We just did it yesterday = We'll never do it daily ever again like our newlywed period, that's ancient history.

6. I love you honey, so I made your favorite meal = I'm going to make it up to you for not having sex with you for 2 months because I was too tired every day by..... working so hard in the kitchen for an hour and a half that I'll be too tired for sex tonight.

7. You used to give me so much more foreplay = I don't realize that this toddler that makes me too tired for daily sex makes you too tired to give me 2 hours of foreplay and makes it so we can't start foreplay till later than we used to and makes it so we can't sleep till noon after having sex till 3AM, and I forgot that yesterday I fell asleep telling how good you made me felt when you tried to give me more than 20 minutes of foreplay.

8. When I woke up to go to the bathroom at 2AM you weren't holding me anymore = I forgot that you can only sleep while touching my body if your balls are absolutely empty.

9. You used to take showers with me = why did you expect a shower together could lead into sex? and why are you spanking your monkey every time you shower like a teenager?

10. My body isn't what it used to be = I know we used to fuck like bunnies, but I'm gonna let this feeling that I'm 1% less sexy than before cause us to have 99% less sex.

Yeah, I've read the Mars and Venus books. It's too scary how true they are - Women need to feel love and romance to want sex, but men need sex to feel loving and romantic. Ladies, it can't be all about you all the time, once in awhile take one for the team. It's all too simple: If you're too tired for sex everyday, show your man you love him by taking steps to get rid of what's making you tired. Every day you go without sex, move sex up a little higher on your to-do list. I can guarantee you just a few days without it and sex is already #1 on your man's to-do list. Yes, it's a tiny part of a relationship, but sex is the keystone that makes the whole thing possible. Without it, you're just roommates of the opposite sex.

And finally, I don't hate my wife. I love her. That's why I'm spanking my monkey instead of cheating. I have told her all of these translations to help her modify her behavior with stuff like telling me whenever she's not too tired for sex such as 10am Saturday, giving me quickies from time to time, napping while our son naps instead of doing chores, I'll take a dirty house and sex over a clean one and no sex any day. 자기야 사랑해! 이번에는 임심했어도 나랑 섹스 해줘서 고마워.